my words

2006-07-28T20:46:00.000-07:00

bt2 results was not bad. all credit goes to God cos i dont think i gave it my all.

2006-06-20T03:58:00.000-07:00

school's starting soon. i'm so not prepared for this

2006-05-25T09:23:00.000-07:00

am off to camp. cya around

2006-04-22T10:59:00.000-07:00

pretty happy with my pw results even though my school didnt do so good.

2006-03-26T00:30:00.000-08:00

block test 1 is over.. hope i can pass

2006-02-24T04:21:00.000-08:00

chinese AO's coming out soon..

2006-01-22T08:21:00.000-08:00

happy cny to all.

2005-12-26T07:32:00.000-08:00

have a blessed christmas, everyone! =)

2005-11-12T07:39:00.000-08:00

am gonna mentally prepare myself for a long week.. i really really honestly cant wait for next week or next next week to end. if not, then i hope time stops now.

2005-10-11T23:21:00.000-07:00

open house is in 4 days time. am worried sick for my promos. i'm like so totally sure that i have more white hair.

2005-09-07T22:23:00.000-07:00

thanks to all those who sent me sms-es or MSN-ed me to wish me a happy bday!
thanks to all those who wrote me friendster testimonials!
thanks to 05A11, 1st intake. i was very very touched when i saw the postcard.
thanks to 05A31, 2nd intake. thanks to sfc who sang bday song to me.. hahaha
thanks to 4/11 peeps.. that was a very big present.. haha
thanks to hong ming who called me at 10 something and went,"aye, today your bday issit? hahaha. happy bday!"
thanks to chen wee and dawn who sent me nice e-cards
thanks to wai sze who can still rmb my bday after not being in touch for 4 years!
thanks to marj and xie ai who have been so nice and tolerating my nonsense.
thanks to ata and nas.. pple whom i can always turn to =)
thanks to towni or david * i dont know who that was* who threw an open and eaten tube of sweets into my bag.. haha
thanks to cheryl and eeli who are such dears =) *yup, they are 'someone special' too*
thanks to chou li for the card
thanks to zhi han. that was very unexpected. he's been a great friend since 2nd intake.
thanks to clement who kept shaking my hand non-stop
thanks to hanxiang for getting me something to commemorate 17 years of friendship. also quite unexpected =)
esp. a big thanks to joyce, my dearest best friend since pri 2 *that's like, 10 yrs!* who paid me a surprise visit at my house. ( it wasnt that surprising cos she forgot my address then she had to call me.. haha )

what i wont miss about not having a phone

2005-08-18T07:23:00.000-07:00

my phonebill 'pao-ed'.
my phonebill hit the roof.
if this continues, i'll have no more phone.
not that i mind
i really dont mind.

u know, that feeling you get when people sms u in the middle of the night?
and u'll start thinking..
what homework did i forget to do?
did i forget to do something?
is it someone's birthday?

most importantly, u'll go, 'why must pple wake me up???'

i'm crapping.
no idea what i'm talking about.
anyways, this post is done just for the sake of adding 'August 2005' to my archives. =)

2005-07-02T00:43:00.000-07:00

anybody who has any idea how to get rid of spyware and all that nonsensical crap which installs themselves on the com, pls tell me. thanks. i have no idea what my sis downloaded. now my msn tio virus and sends funny stuff to pple on my contact list. so dont accept any files from me k.

2005-06-17T21:17:00.000-07:00

feeling kinda sad nowadays. can anyone cheer me up? of course not. i'm even talking to myself. i really wish that i could just wake up after a deep sleep and realise that everything has been just a nightmare. and i really wish that i spoke up instead of keeping quiet the whole time.

2005-05-31T04:02:00.000-07:00

am in quite a bad mood nowadays.. thanks to a stalker on sms. if i ever find out who that is, that person will get a hell load of trouble. bah..

2005-04-30T21:51:00.000-07:00

hey people.. i'll blog here once a month now just for the sake of making the archives longer. just wanna say that i've gotten a new blog quite long ago and sorry for not informing the rest of you pple who still check out this blog. it's just i needed to blog for myself for awhile. so, yup, the add of my new blog.

2005-03-07T15:52:00.000-08:00

'gona miss dis blog...actually juz blog when u feel like it lah...dun b compelled instead...coz maybe it's ur feeling of obligation to write tt made blogging a chore' -david.

yeah, david... thanks for that statement. really appreciate it.. okay, so i wont quit blogging aferall. i'll just go on what i call a blogging hiatus. i love that word.

hiatus. hiatus. hiatus.

yup, so it basically means i'll not blog for a period of time... get my thoughts together. but, i'll still blog. thanks again, david. so see u all. =)

2005-03-05T10:54:00.000-08:00

Today, i shall share with all the reasons on why i started this blog in the first place because i can't think of anything else to talk about.

Reasons on why i started blogging:
1. everybody had a blog, so why not?
2. i hate to write stuff with a pen... hitting the keyboard gives more satisfaction
3. if everyone notices, i started blogging around october last yr.. the time period in between prelims and 'o' levels. i was bored. i wanted to do anything which could help me 'tuo1 shi2 jian1' from studying.. haha.
4. i love writing.. serious.
5. needed an outlet to bitch and rant about every single thing

BUT, the main focus of today is that w.e.f today, i'm gonna stop blogging. yup, no more blogging. why?

1. cos i'm blogging about crap nowadays. all about events, but nothing about how i really feel.
2. me blogging nowadays is just for the sake for giving pple some reading material, not because they care. they just want to see what problems and scandals and whatever i'm going through. if you're bored, go get a reader's digest.
3. typing on the keyboard gives me less satisfaction
4. because i'm sick and tired of pple reading my blog and become so damn confident that they know all about me and what-not. seriously, don't base your judgements and opinions on people just by reading their blog.. it's just superficial and deluded.
5. this is not really true, but 5 is a nice number for things.. would be weird to have 4 reasons.. oh wells, blogging for me was just a cheap thrill. i'm sure other bloggers dont feel that way, but looking back at this, it's just a cheap thrill.

you can still come in here anyways..
1. to listen to the music
2. to read past entries
3. for the links

okay, that's it pple.. i'm moving on. i'll leave u guys with a verse to close everything.

Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.
-1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

2005-03-04T11:05:00.000-08:00

so there's no need to go to school for this whole week and i'm seriously bored. i've got an assignment to research stuff for my piano piece which is due tonight.. TONIGHT. and i have.. nothing, except a picture of beethoven which looks scary. okay, i'm a goner. y must ABRSM put this in their exams.. it's crap. i'm seriously thinking of dropping the diploma pursuit to go for jazz piano instead. jazz is nice.. u get to play whatever you want whereas in diploma, it's like studying. bah.

so i've been basically stressing myself out for the past week.. it's just so unfair that whenever i don't have to worry about school and studying, i have to worry about music. anyways, i haven't been drowning myself in music for the past week. crashed tj with vanessa ystrday. tj is all the way at the other side of Singapore.. that's why so few nan hua people went to study there. i doubt that they would be staying on anyways. yup, vanessa and i also came out with this amazing finding about tj people, which scares me quite abit. but i shan't go into details about this in case any tj people come and hunt me down to kill me or something. so long teng showed us around and tj is a really nice school. their library is so so nice and their science research programmes are also very detailed and intensive, but too bad, i'm an arts student... haha. also found out that david is about to head for nj... he can't do that.. i'm not saying that he's too stupid to go nj.. it's just that it seems so wrong for him to go there. i know i'm not his mother, but still, i find it so damn strange for him to go nj.. so i called him and told him don't go there.. come SA instead.. haha. shameless promotion of my school.. hahaha.. while taking the train back, the 3 of us crapped lots and lots.. relaly enjoyed the crapping sessions =)

after talking to many people, i've heard lots of different stuff which contradict each other.
for example, a tells me, 'alot of my friends all want to come to SA. so strange.. even though their 'o' levels did so well, still go SA.'
then b will go, ' alot of my friends are leaving SA. they're heading for greener pastures, ie. nj' geez.. maybe they cancel each other out or something like that. another boring blog entry. seriously, there's nothing in my life worth blogging about.

Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted. -Mathhew 5:4

2005-03-01T23:06:00.000-08:00

from now on, i'll try my best not to use the word 'lah' or forms of singlish when i blog.

have problems with the JAE registration because i don't have the microsoft java thing. how on earth am i going to apply for a jc? it's very tiring for me.

listening to the jay chou cds which towni lent me... whoa.. he has alot of them... i owe ling hui $5.20.. must remember to return her the money.

i think i have a sleeping problem.. could only sleep for 6 hrs today. from 3am to 9am. must adjust my body clock to normal again by sleeping at proper times...

O Lord, you are my God; I will exalt you and praise your name, for in perfect faithfulness you have done marvelous things, things planned long ago. -Isaiah 25:1

2005-02-28T21:08:00.000-08:00

whoa.. such a long day today. okay, went to SA first today.. sang the school song.. i'll be honest and admit that i was terrified for my results yeah... then i thought that i was going to sing the school song for the last time. sighs. only 7 pple in our class turned up.. the whole day break cos tutorials were all cancelled. meanwhile, i got my dear informant, mel, who is my junior from nan hua band to tell me what the teachers said. when i heard that 3 people failed lit, my heart sank lah.. cos i didnt give my full effort in there.. then i dunno, it was like i was going to cry in the cafe.

then went back to nan hua with vanessa to have what final lunch before the results.. met toinh and joel at the busstop... then we all went ginza to eat.. no appetite at all.. pple who went ginza: vanessa, me, jeanette, xueting, rebecca, levina, linghui, emily, brandon, huang yu, towni, david, aaron, toinh, joel, liang yuan, benji, kam wai, calvin, william, chen wee and not sure who else le. quite alot of pple.. then went to nan hua... ms wassan gave the opening speech.. i was super frustrated lah.. she just rambled the same points on and on, i mean, who gives a crap about the Singpass thing lah... it was all in the notes lah.. i think she did it on purpose.. i was screaming the whole time.. then was msging jon ho, complaining about how freaking frustrating it was... then that weiqi called.. i was very upset.. so i sort of screamed at him to not disturb me or something then slammed the phone.. *sorry weiqi! under pressure there!* then while mr foo announced the statistics, i was going to cry lah.. then when it was time to take the results, i was near tears.. then ms lau was like, y u so upset, u havent even seen ur results yet lah.. i was like, i dont wanna see lah, i screwed up so so badly..

okay, so i got the results slip in the end.. first was english.. a2... not bad lah.. then, i saw a C6 there lah.. almost died of shock.. LIT CAN GET C6!!! i was like, oh no, i'm screwed. then they nvr put the L1R5 at the bottom, have to count yourself.. that process was scary lah.. then couldnt count properly cos that C6 was so glaring lah.. then slowly count count, then ask pple to count... and got 12!!! scared me lah.. i expected above 15 lah.

english:A2
combined humans:A2
lit:C6
emaths:A1
amaths:A2
physics:A2
chem:B3
chinese:B3

combined humans was shocking.. cos i spotted wrong qns lah!! a maths shocking also.. cos i still rmb skipping all those 12 marks qns lah.. chem was also quite shocking cos i rmb guessing the mcq cos they were so hard and the rain was raining all over my chem paper.

okay, so 4/11 did super well.. shoutouts go to my dear friends towni and david, who did really well.. so proud of them lah!! esp to joyce, who made an extremely great improvement.. now she can come to SA le!! okays, we were exchanging hugs and screams.. so happy lah!! got so many sms-es.. 86 of them from concerned friends from SFC, church, SA and elsewhere! daiwei and cheryl got 10 pts! yay! treat to kbox coming soon!

okay.. then cos we were so high, we all went west mall to watch constantine.. it's okay for entertainment, but not for christian values.. i'm not trying to be preachy preachy here, but yeah, it really contradicts the Bible, so christian pple out there, dont let the movie affect ur standing =) pple who went: lev, liang yuan, chen wee, william, ling hui, me, towni, david, aaron, toinh, huang yu, calvin, benji. then we occupy one whole entire row.. then went dinner.. no appetite again.. so didnt eat.. sat with towni, linghui and huangyu. then talked quite alot... then we all went home.. and i'm super tired BUT super happy now!! haha. must really thank God again cos i really didnt do this on my effort.. i really didnt even make much effort, but it was by His grace that i got through this. yup, can stay in SA le.. that was my only aim in the first place: 15 pts, but i did better. =)

In Him we have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God's grace that he lavished on us with all wisdom and understanding. -Ephesians 1:7-8

2005-02-27T19:37:00.000-08:00

i really hate it when pple test my patience. i know, hate is a strong word, but i dont hate the people, i hate the actions. yes, of course i can take the crap at first, but pls, i really wish that people won't deliberately test me and try to push me to the limit. afterall, i am a person too.. i do have tolerance, but it's like, sooner or later, i won't be able to handle this anymore. other times when i've said it, it was a joke, but this time, i really mean it. stop wasting my life. i really wish that people would stop taking me for granted and push their luck to get what they want. nobody ever deserves this kind of disrespectful treatment.

tmr tmr tmr

2005-02-27T18:50:00.000-08:00

*sarcastic* oh yay. we see the fruits of our labour tmr. whatever. brown envelope, white envelope, orange envelope.. who came with that lah? that's so.. lame...i'm not saying that it's totally wrong.. it could be right.. but for a second, would MOE go through all that trouble to sort our JAE letters in different coloured envelopes? quite impossible right? since the dragon batch has like, so many pple.. it could mean that they just ran out of a certain colour. but, whatever. okay okay, i'm just trying to console all those who are convinced that this is correct.. i dont know lah.. why are all these rumours just popping out? maybe some sadistic pple who are so totally convinced that they are so gonna do well are just trying to scare the rest of us? hai.. i think ignorance is bliss in this case. i'm only aiming for 15 points.. just well enough to stay in SA arts fac.

okay. today.
church. gave out postcards to pple.. couldnt give to everybody cos i ran out.. didn't take enough from cineleisure that time.. but oh wells, next week then. but thanks to all the church pple esp my lame shifu weiqi... who says that he'll call me b4, during and after i get the results just for the sake of scaring me. yup, then exchanged hugs with those taking the results tmr... =) and really wish all those pple taking 'a' level results all the best on friday.

whatever it is, if my results are bad, i'll only msg back pple at the least, one hour later.. if it's horrendous, then i'll msg at night. if my results are good, i'll msg back immediately.. i wont call, cos my hp spoil.. will turn off halfway during phonecalls.. it's also a waste of cash lah.

For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith- and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God- not byworks, so that no one can boast. -Ephesians 2:8-9

2005-02-26T18:32:00.000-08:00

Due to a serious lack of sleep throughout the past week, i woke up super late today. i woke up at 1230. yup, i know, i know, the usual people are out there calling me, 'pig'. what do expect after getting about 5 hrs of sleep everyday for the past week? haha.. anyways, nothing really much to blog about today. oh yeah, the weather is hot... really hot. even though it's raining now, i am not looking forward to the humidity that would follow the rain. don't intend to turn on the aircon because i'm trying to save my parents some money. =) in the afternoon, weiqi sent me this love invitation thing.. haha.. i know what it's all about. weiqi: you can't trick me wan.. hahaha. nothing else.. it's been a normal saturday which bores me out of my mind.

Results countdown: 2 days. yeah, i know that many people, myself included, are not eager to get the results. but, sooner or later, we all have to face up to it... no point in trying to regret now. yeah, i'll be honest, i do regret not studying for it, slacking the whole year away. and if my results are not good, i'm not going to blame anyone but myself. i'm not trying to sound goody-goody about it now... it's just that i'm willing to admit that i was wrong in not studying and that phrase, 'you reap what you sow' is really true in this case. i'll just accept whatever comes my way because He has a bigger plan for me.

Do not boast about tomorrow, for you do not know what a day may bring forth. -Proverbs 27:1

a happy birthday to atalia and cheryl.. my 05A11 buddies!!

2005-02-25T17:40:00.000-08:00

ystrday. thursday.
most impt thing was the gp presentation.. i'm still in shock that our grp managed to pull everything off despite only starting on the project that same morning.. haha.. but yup, still very proud of what we did. =) wrote loads of postcards for the SFC seniors and church pple.. but think i ran out already.. sighs.

today. friday.
skipped econs tutorial today becos 1. i didnt do the tutorial 2.didnt intend to get bored out of my mind. wrote finish the postcards =) and managed to write for all those pple who were kindly hounding me to give them a reply. hahaha.. mrs tan is a super gd econs lecturer... i mean, i so totally understand what she's trying to say whereas i'm just a blur when it comes to mr tan's lectures. then gp... gp is fun.. ms soh is a great teacher =) dad picked me up from school cos i had a doctor's appointment.

complaints.
-black hair dye is gone.. now my hair is back to that original reddish-brown/brownish-red colour.
-handphone is screwed up.. it turns off by itself.. dad called me twice and twice, that thing turned off halfway through the conversation. had to borrow eeli's phone to call.. bah.
-monday is results day. i dunno what to say.. i think i'll start crying before they even give us the results.. i noe nan hua is infamous for giving numerous speeches before giving the results.. Y ARE THEY SO MORONIC LAH? pple already half dead over anxiety and still want to tuo shi jian. shld just quickly get it over with.. haiiii...

Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving. -Colossians 3:23-24

2005-02-23T21:23:00.000-08:00

was reading denise's blog last time and was rather amazed at how she phrases certain stuff...yeah, a writer in the making.

i mean, y cant some pple just get a life and stop harrassing others lah? geez.. it's a super waste of my time, their time and my eyeballs and ears from tolerating all that crap lah. okay.. forgive, forgive.. but it's so hard lah. i'm trying and trying, but it's obviously not working. i'm so not appreciating this right now. JUST GET YOUR OWN LIFE YOU LOSER AND STOP TRYING TO LIVE OTHER PPLE'S LIFE FOR THEM.. BUZZ OFF LAH. ah.. feel much better now. no, i'm not gonna say anymore.. only encourages high blood pressure.. i'm not gonna die early.. breathe in, breathe out...

okay.. abit calmed down now... so today. nothing much lah. history tutorial was funny.. mrs ram came in and she said, 'so, o level results coming out soon. scared? actually, we have nothing to do today.. can also see that half your class is not here. so, class dismissed'. hahaha.. lesson finished just like that lah. later on was history lecture and more than half of the history students didnt even turn up lah.. was half aslp during the lecture.. like gonna pass out anytime.

then sfc. was the only J1 in the cell today. then supposed to get to noe the j1s better today, so all the j2 seniors in my cell interrogated me.. haha. then they were really nice.. praying for me. yup, sounds cliche, but i believe that prayer works miracles. then they all asked for my hp no so that they can call me to ask what's my results the minute i get it.. hahaha.. even if i dont get gd enough results to stay in SA, i wont mind, cos we learnt that everything is part of God's plan in chap's hour today. sounding philosophical now.. but anyways, i really wont mind. already prepared myself mentally... but i think that before the results even come out, i'll start to cry.. haha.

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which trancends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. -Philippians 4:6
find this verse really comforting

2005-02-22T21:55:00.000-08:00

today let off school early. only had 2 tutorials.. first was econs. today give back econs test.. and surprise, surprise! 23/30.. 2nd in class.. haha.. and i didnt even study lah. i only read through once when i was abt to slp... maybe reading notes when ur half aslp helps u to do well or something. haha. but then that mr tan.. i think he was lazy or something... at first asked dai wei to answer, but dai wei couldnt.. then ask me.. ask me come in front of the class.. i was looking at his smiling face.. and i wanted to laugh in front of him lah.. the conversation went some sort like this..
me: um.. i forgot how to do. afterall.. it's been so long already.
mr tan: it's okay.. why dont you come in front of the class and explain
*sniggers from the rest of my friends who deserted me.. bah*
*i walk in front of the class.. cant bear to look at him cos i'll explode in laughter*
mr tan: dont be shy...
me: i'm not shy lah! i really dont know how to explain this...
*i walk back, traumatised*
HAHAHA... then i started to laugh super loudly lah.. hahaha. then mr tan caught rena slping and she was like, 'ur lesson very boring' POWER SIA! i could nvr do that lah.. woohoo! finally someone tells him that he's boring.. haha.

then history tutorial.. supposed to have a debate, but proposition only one person turned up, so it was only 2 pple debating lah.. so sad case.

then went to kbox with cg.. sang loads of songs.. they had cartoon heroes!! that nice song.. haha. weini sang really really nice. and we went on a jay chou spree.. singing his songs until like siao.. sang until 7. then took neoprint.. reached home arnd 9.. so tired now.

Know therefore that the Lord your God is God; he is the faithful God, keeping his covenant of love to a thousand generations of those who love Him and keep His commands. -Deuteronomy 7:9

2005-02-21T19:31:00.000-08:00

using the mac to blog today cos SOMEONE insists on hogging the acer.. last night play until 12am also not enough.. today also want to hog.. whatever lah.

sunday.
went church. sat in btw hans and the older serene. then went bible study.. yay! still in paul and valerie's grp.. i love my bs group alot lah! weiqi, hans and joel kept cracking their knuckles to irritate me.. i hate the sound of cracking knuckles... irks me alot.. i'll stay far away from the cracking knuckles symphony next time... haha.

today.
the principal announced half day.. not exactly half day, but school ends at 1245 tmr cos we exceeded the target for funfair by $20000!! yay! so many pple pon school and pon lessons today.. so sian. got a few postcards from classmates today also.. must reply them.. later must chiong to finish the history debate with kirsten also... dowan mrs ram to walk out on us halfway tmr even though the rest of the class wants it that way cos history lesson is from 1215-1315. but tmr after school, our CG is going KBOX!!! woohoo!

today is david's birthday. though i doubt he's reading this cos he's always lagging, just wanna say that he has been one of the most supportive friends i've ever had.. great to have known this guy for 4 yrs.

Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. -Colossians 3:12

2005-02-19T22:49:00.000-08:00

today was funfair day! went late at 930 cos my shift didnt start so early. took 97 with meliza, claire and mich. helped out mostly at the sfc booth instead of class booth cos they more shorthanded. it was some fishing game where u hook fish from an inflatable pool.. quite fun lah. attracted quite alot of pple, that's why the booth was always busy. 05A11 also had fun stuff.. squirting ping pong balls with a water gun.. didnt spend much time there cos like, had alot of pple there already. got a shock when toinh called me, saying that they were there.. i thought that whole gang would go jj lah.. so got toinh, benji, calvin and liang yuan. then i dragged them to play the fishing game.. toinh caught one, benji caught none.. haha. then after they left, saw david, aaron and hong ming. then dunno talk what and walk dunno where. only stayed with them for abt 5 mins liddat. then they zao to dunno where. after that, huangyu called, asked me to meet him on the field.. idiot.. made me walk all the way there under the hot sun then talk for less than 10 sentences.. bah. then he came over to the sfc booth and caught 2 fish.. haha. the 4/11 record is 2 fish. liping also played the game and gave up halfway. saw lots of pple i know there.. saw mel, vic, lucinda, serene, vanessa tham, joyce and dunno who else.

then stefanie sun came at arnd 4. i'm not into chinese music, basically, so i played the fishing game with the sfc pple, competing to see who wld get the most fish. so we were playing and she walked up lah.. i couldnt even tell who she was until i saw that she was surrounded by so many pple. then while she walked up, jeremy was so blur lah.. he was screaming, 'i got 5 fish!' retard. then he realised that it was stefanie sun. then she wanted to try the game cos she saw that none of us there really knew who she was and like, we didnt really care.. haha. so everyone started crowding around the place, so jeremy and i left that crowd.. we were like, super shocked lah.. haha. then when she caught a fish, those pple started to scream.. haha. whatever. then the sfc pple asked her to autograph the pole she was using to catch the fish.. HAHA.. that was funny lah. then helped to clean up the booth and went home. it was really a fun day. and i managed to get a bit of a tan also.. haha.

For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus. -Romans 3:23-24

2005-02-18T18:42:00.000-08:00

was reading a friend's blog entry the other day. that friend commented on how much she couldnt express herself and how little of her blog entries had any meaning.. as in, they only said what happened that day and there was nothing about how she feels and all that.. something along those lines. and it got me thinking. yeah, that is so unfortunately true. blogging is to let me express how i feel, but i'm not doing that. that's becos pple wld start to quote me on that and confront me and stuff. then what on earth is the pt of blogging? i'm just rambling on and on as usual, but yeah, what i blog about is so superficial. it says nothing about me at all.. all becos i just dont want to tell the entire world what's really going on in my head. my blog entries just skim the surface of me.. they really dont say anything at all. that's not really the point isnt it? about how i really feel about stuff and issues, only a few pple know cos i can trust them enough to share how i really feel.

today was funfair prepartion day. skipped 2 hrs of econs.. yes! helped out mostly at the sfc booth cos no offense, nothing much to do at 05A11 stall. nothing much really.. also heard about that MOE letter going arnd, asking pple to be teachers cos apparently, those pple scored btw 14-18 pts/15-20 pts in the o levels.. damn. i didnt get a letter, which means i did worse than 20.. die lah.. cant stay in SA le. but i dont know what to do with my life at this point. i just feel lost and confused. ambitionless. motivationless. my 2 favourite words. well, it's over already. nothing i can do about it anyways.

Cast all your cares on the Lord and He will sustain you; He will never let the righteous fall. -Psalms 55:22

2005-02-16T07:22:00.000-08:00

oh nooo... my com spoil lah.. then everything is GONE. all my mp3s.. GONE. all my pictures taken in nan hua.. got so many of them.. abt 2 yrs of memories.. GONE. argghhhh.. i'm super upset now lah. then that com no internet connection, no microsoft office.. NOTHING LAH!!!! gone, gone, gone, FINISH ALREADY.. i'm feeling super upset esp abt the photos lah. and all those mp3s... only have 98 songs in my mp3 player.. lucky something told me to upload all the christian music into my mp3 player.. lucky all of them can be salvaged.. okay, must cheer up and look on the bright side.. sighs.

today was school obviously. first was history tutorial.. mrs ram walked out half way lah.. she was pissed cos the work was slipshot, then she was like, 'dont give me this crap. i'm not gonna spoonfeed u guys the answer!' then she closed-slammed her file loudly and was like, class dismissed! then she walked out.. whoa.. scary lah. lucky nvr pon-tang PE.. cos all those who pon kena caught. * no offense to those pple who got caught k. i dont mean to rub it in * =) then econs lecture.. i tell u.. i think i'm gonna flunk with that teacher around lah.. i dont understand a single thing abt econs now.. then hist lect was okay. then on to chap's hour. i felt that the msg was great.

FAITH+FORGIVENESS= EVERLASTING FRIENDSHIP. and i really felt that the msg was relating to me.. whatever she said, it was just so true. then SFC. this is the best cca =) the seniors are super nice. and super lame but also very understanding.. then my fellow peers are also really really great =)

DO not forsake your friend and the friend of your father, and do not go to your brother's house when disaster strikes you-better a neighbour nearby than a brother far away. -Proverbs 27:10

2005-02-15T18:41:00.000-08:00

so sad.. my PC spoiled... so i'm using the mac to blog and use the net from now on. bah.. not in a very good mood right now.. then just found out that all my music files are gonna be deleted lah.. argghhh... i'm like, super frustrated now. no more msn, no more whatever... this wk has been so-so.

sunday.
went church and played games with the youths. our grp had to choose someone to dress up as a baby for some game. so we spun a milk bottle and hans was the baby. then had fellowship metting where we planned the events for the rest of the yr. then went lunch and then went home cos we had guests coming over. i babysat this cute little 14 mth old baby... have pictures.. but have to post them out nxt time

monday.
nothing much going on in school.

today,
lots of speculation going around abt the 'o' lvl results... found out that the entire schools of NYGH, SCGS and RGS take lit.. that means, i kinda expect to get a c5.. b4 highest. i dont really have much hope for the 'o's cos i didnt really study for it. but whatever's meant to be, is meant to be.

All the ways of the Lord are loving and faithful for those who keep the demands of His covenant. -Psalm 25:10

2005-02-12T17:28:00.000-08:00

from now on, i decided to add in a verse everyday. yup, hopefully, it can help me in my spiritual growing. =) i also added in this song cos it's one of my favourite songs too.

Light of the world
You stepped down into darkness
Opened my eyes, let me see
Beauty that made
This heart adore you
Hope of a life spent with You

So here I am to worship
Here I am to bow down
Here I am to say that You're my God
You're altogether lovely
Altogether worthy
Altogether wonderful to me

King of all days
Oh so highly exalted
Glorious in heaven above
Humbly You came to the earth You created
All for love's sake became poor

I'll never know how much it costs
To see my sins upon that cross

'Yet the Lord longs to be gracious to you; he rises to show you compassion. For the Lord is a God of justice. Blessed are all who wait for Him!' Isaiah 30:18

to all: if ur not a Christian, pls dont be offended by anything here. cos this blog's for me, so i really hope u guys understand. =)

2005-02-10T01:12:00.000-08:00

i feel like kingshaw. having a literature relapse.. haha. is there such a thing? anyways, i really feel like kingshaw... after studying his character so much in depth for a year, it's hard to forget what u have been learning. i feel like i'm going through emotional problems and stuff like him. haha, but i wont end up drowning myself in a river in Hang wood.. haha. even if anybody wants me to die, i wont die for the sake just to give pple who hate me some kind of sadistic pleasure like edmund.. uh-oh.. relating to that book again. hahaha... why couldnt i have understooded it as much as i understand the book now before? strange. i'm gonna try my best not to make the same mistakes as kingshaw so i dont have to drown myself.. haha.. sounds so melacholic. btw, melacholic was the very first word i learned in sec 3 lit. cool eh.. still can rmb all that. but what's the damn use now anyway? i miss ms junaidah and her lit lessons... lit lessons in SA are kinda dull... too late anyways. exam's over and results are gonna come soon. arrrgghhh. now i'm thinking abt poly. the mag, LIME, featured a poly guide not long ago and it was really interesting. abt what poly life is and their articles kinda won me over. but SA is nice. why couldnt LIME feature a jc guide as well.. confusing leh. aiyah.. see results then talk later lah.

the song, 'only one' by yellowcard is nice, esp the electric guitars solo.. really nice. oh yeah, claire, my CG mate recommended this blog for me to go to. the most famous singapore blog which won a bloggie in 2004. the entry on 8 feb was gd, esp the ending. really really damn gd.

2005-02-09T11:50:00.001-08:00

happy cny to all!

something just struck me. really strange. okay.. so the book i studied for my o lvl lit? 'i'm king of the castle' by susan hill. it's about this sadistic attention seeker who keeps bullying this other poor boy. then nobody ever understands or cares about the poor boy and the poor boy drowns himself in the end. okay, that's the storyline. and it just struck me that the sadistic attention seeker was doing it and continuing to tortore the innocent kid cos HE HAD A RESPONSE FROM THE KID! yes! he had a response! that's y he kept doing it. so i'm saying that if the innocent kid JUST IGNORED him, the sadistic attention seeker would have just looked like an idiot! with no reponse cos nobody would have given a shit! yup, now then i finally understand this. kinda regret i didnt get it b4 the paper. damn. but still, it really applies alot to everyone out there, myself included. i'm feeling super enlightened now lah. even though the book was mostly about power struggle btw the 2 boys, nobody would have ever thought of the above possibility. 'what if' qns fill our lives, and this was one of the many 'what if' qns which i thought about. and yeah... pretty interesting on how this 'revalation' came to be. i think only perhaps the nhss lit pple or pple who studied the book would get what i'm trying to say, but oh wells.

okay.. so i'm rambling on and on. and many pple would be going, 'what kind of bullshit is this'. but i dont care. i dont give a damn, cos my blog is here for me to blog what i want to blog and not for pple to see what they want to see. =)

happy cny again!

2005-02-08T17:45:00.000-08:00

woke up at 9 today.. supposed to go back nan hua earlier.. all that DAVID LOO'S FAULT lah.. supposed to tell me what's the plan.. piang. lucky managed to get hold of shangru, then met all the 411 pple in nan hua.. so many pple there.. all look the same =) aww.. really miss them alot lah...

then went to the canteen to slack.. then david turned up lah.. after me. lame lahhhh... then accompanied huang yu to find teacher. then the whole lot of us went JE kfc to eat. then was sharing all those qian bian jokes with huang yu that lot lah.. i think if i had said one more joke, they would have killed me lah. esp that lightbulb joke series.. haha

pple who went:chen wee, calvin, william, liang yuan, huang yu, benji, ming xuan, towni, long teng, david, hong ming, jeanette, vanessa, xue ting, linghui, von, levina, em and me. shared buddy meal with vanessa.. she actually went to SA today lah.. apparently they didnt take attendance. then one by one, pple left.. long teng that whole grp go vanessa's house play mahjong.. then em, me, david and hong ming joined them later. yeah, then they play while i watched tv then left at arnd 245. had so much fun.. I MISS 4/11 ALOT LAH!!!

managed to catch up with towni and david.. my 4 yr buddies.. yeah, as expected, we are suffering from chinese overdose now.. struggling with our chinese. also tried to find out from ming xuan whether he got gossip abt me but he damn unreliable wan lah.. anyways, had fun fun fun today.. and cant wait for the next 411 gathering.. too bad i didnt go to the last one cos i was sick =( anyways, happy bday to dai wei and happy cny to evryone!! =)

2005-02-07T22:14:00.000-08:00

was talking to steff over the net just now.. really thankful that i have a friend like her.. i nvr expected to find someone in the same position as me and someone who felt the same way as i did.. and thanks for the advice: what would Jesus have done.. and that it is worth suffering for awhile. thanks steff =)

reminds me of what fonzi told me last time too: for every person that hates u, 5 pple love u.. but i feel that it shld be much more than 5.. =) i'll nvr forget the advice which everyone has given me.. thanks.

2005-02-07T19:36:00.000-08:00

cut hair today. looks okay lah.. still able to tie, but it's too thin after the layering.

and i do not believe that SHE FREAKING MANAGES TO USE 620 SMS-ES IN A MONTH LAH... even i dont use until so cham lorh. and she's only had her phone for one month lah!!! i dont believe it lorh!!! i knew it... i knew that something's up with her.. only that my parents refused to believe me.. all those sms-ing in the middle of the bloody night.. all those calls which go on when she thinks i'm sleeping.. PLS LAH.. subtle abit lah.

hai.. i think only a few pple will know what i'm rambling about, but, this blog's abt me, not her.. haha. nothing much happened today. yeah, nothing much at all. just the usual stoning and slacking. oh yeah.. i wasnt offended by the copying thing.. haha.. apparently, i was one of the few who actually stupidly did the history tutorial and my answers got passed around.. haha. according to joyce, 'arnd 10 pple copied it' HAHA.. and my answers were all wrong lah.. the way mr yoong laughed.. haha.. i think that's the high pt of the tutorial lah.. 05A11 wld get what i'm trying to say here ya.. i'm still finding it super funny.. ha.

took 97 home with claire today. talked so much on the bus.. i'm gonna miss her when she leaves after the first 3 mths lah. nobody else to crap until so li hai... oh wells. must rmb to wish dai wei happy bday at midnight like i lamely promised him today.. must rmb!!!

2005-02-06T18:29:00.000-08:00

went church today.. sat btw weiqi and hans... all i can say is that these guys made me feel better with all their advice and talking or crapping... haha. okay, dont wanna sound sexist here, but i thought that girls wld be the ones to do that, but nvm.. the 2 of them did a fine job even though...
-weiqi was using my bag as a plastic bag for his stuff and trying to unload that piece of paper on me.. haha, it's okay. i owe him anyways...
-hans kept pulling my hair and pulling my hood over my head and talking when ur not supposed to talk...
haha. glad i have friends like them. =)
and thanks to ben who bought another funfair tix from me on behalf of his friend.

insecurities. gonna try my best to block them out of my head so i can collect my ang baos in peace.

You Are 17 Years Old

17

Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe.
13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world.
20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences.
30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more!
40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax.

What'>http://www.blogthings.com/whatagequiz/">What Age Do You Act?

hahaha.. on the dot. even tho i'm younger by 8 mths.. haha

2005-02-04T19:33:00.000-08:00

the most amazing things really do happen... today, i was seriously feeling like shit the whole day until SFC. then during worship, this is so amazing and i'm not kidding, i felt so much better... so it all started this morning when i was obviously sick... mum insisted that i shld go school. chapel was great. ^by whose standards?^ i think that was a great message. then was civics.. was feeling so sick that i didnt even want to talk. contact lens almost fell off cos an eyelash got into my eye.. forgot to bring the saline.. lucky mich brought, so rushed off to the toilet to re-insert the lens... was tearing the whole time. then econs test.. that test was crap. really had no idea how to answer. then econs tutorial immediately after that. couldnt mr tan have just given us a break? i lost my voice, then (i know this is wrong) started to sms pple in class... pple who were just sitting next to me or just down the row.. haha. then gp. felt like i was going to die. i mean, gp is super interesting, but my head really hurt so much. then everyone was telling me to go home the whole time. *thanks for all their concern*

then decided to go to SFC. i think i made a great choice... few pple went. i was the first j1 there.. then i got to know dawn, christian, xiao yun and andrew (some other andrew.. i didnt noe SFC had 2 of them). okay, then painted the photo frames. got to know roy, ming yang? and wen bin. wen bin's from nhss. i didnt see her before.. oops. anyways, feeling so much better now.. it must be the grace of God. and thanks to all those who were so concerned abt me today =)

2005-02-03T23:13:00.000-08:00

i'm feeling kind of screwed up today. i think only mich, cheryl and maybe ee li know how screwed up i feel. hai.. kinda complicated lah. and i'm feeling sick now.. down with flu and a headache. and there's econs test tmr.

on a lighter note, i've discovered a new talent that i have.. i'm able to take notes in perfectly legible handwriting when i'm more than half-asleep in lectures... haha. not that it's anything to be proud of...

2005-02-01T20:10:00.000-08:00

i'm broke. hai... totally broke. i hate to keep going to my parents to ask for cash... i wish that i had a job instead of schooling, then can stop asking them for money. i feel very horrible now lah...

2005-01-31T22:03:00.000-08:00

whatever, ********, whatever.

fill in the blank above.. seriously, i think i'm too nice. but, whatever. i'm just feeling screwed up now.

happy birthday to huang yu!!!

2005-01-29T20:53:00.000-08:00

Q: How many RJC students does it take tochange a lightbulb??
A: 4 whole faculties. One fac to design thenew bulb,one fac to test it out, one fac to marketit andone guy to write a stupid Email about lightbulbs.

Q: How many HCJC students does it take tochange a lightbulb?
A: The whole school.....to compete withRJC.........

Q: How many VJC students does it take tochange a lightbulb?
A: The whole school.......one to screw it in andthe rest to cheer and wave flags andbanners to give him/her support.

Q: How many NJC students does it take tochange a lightbulb??
A: NO LIGHT STILL CAN STUDY!!!!!

Q: How many AJC students does it take tochange a lightbulb??
A: They're too busy trying to be one of thetop 5 JCs...

Q: How many ACJC students does it take tochange lightbulb??
A: None......they use all their money toemploy YJC to do it for them.

Q: How many YJC students does it take tochange a lightbulb??
A: None.....only one teacher to tell themwhat a lightbulb is in the first place and todemonstrate (how do you think they're able tochange it for AC?)

Q: How many CJC students does it take tochange a lightbulb??
A: They'd prefer it darker..........(hmmm...*raise eyebrow*)......

Q: How many JJC students does it take tochange a lightbulb??
A: None......Their physics is so bad that theymake the male teacher cry.....

Q: How many TPJC students does it take tochange a lightbulb??
A: Would they bother??

Q: How many MJC students does it take tochange a lightbulb?
A: None.They're too busy studying. trying not to get expelled..

Q: How many SAJC students does it take tochange a lightbulb??
A: None.....they believe in praying for it.(oh cmon. we've got our halos! wont nid anylight bulb..) haha*AMEN!!*

Q: How many NYJC students does it take tochange a lightbulb??
A: None.....they are still using oil lamps

Q: How many SRJC students does it take tochange a lightbulb??
A: Huh, wat litebarb ...

Q: Dun you guys wonder who wrote this?
A: TJC!

Q: How many TJC students does it take tochange the lightbulb?
A: None. They think they are very brightalready.

2005-01-29T20:24:00.000-08:00

went to school today for the SFC life concert tryouts. auditioned for bass and keyboard. i really dont think that both can make it, but oh well, at least i tried. the interview was so strange... 4 pple shooting qns at u... but it was okay. my fave part about the whole thing was the bonding. i got to know so many other pple.. and it's really heartening to bond with a grp of fellow Christians who are not from church. *not that the pple in church are bad*.. but it feels great to know that u have 2 christian support groups backing u up and fulfilling ur spiritual needs. okay.. will type the names of pple i bonded with later cos i scared that i wld forget. haha... then went church.. attended the comm meeting even though i'm not a comm member... so extra.. i was just listening the whole time.. but i learnt lots of stuff... i nvr knew that there were quite a few problems in the youth.. i've always thought that it was cool and okay. oh wells, something new to learn.

okay.. on to the pple whom i've met and known today.
samantha.. from bukit batok sec.. she tried out for vocals.
roxanne... we took the same bus back..
sabrina... cheryl's friend.
joel.. he plays guitar and keyboard.. pro
jeremy... he plays guitar.. joined band.. plays trombone.
the 6 of us stayed back the latest even when the rest of the J1s left. we were jamming and singing all the nice songs and we got to know each other alot better..

while auditioning for the bass, i met...
ian.. i think he's from SAS.. he's a nice guy..
gideon.. he's a J2.. his guitar is pro, strum until the fingers are like, flying..
timothy.. a j2.. play guitar also very zai.. i *scissors, paper, stoned* him to see who wld go next..haha

others...
cheryl..nanhua.. never talked to her until not long ago.. went to school together
kok wai... SJI.. he looks very guai
got some others, but i cant rmb the names. as i said, i suck at remembering names and faces.. haiii.... but i love my CCA alot =) frankly speaking, i think if i joined band, i wld be really sad cos of the commitments

2005-01-28T04:52:00.000-08:00

L-R: claire, me, michelle

2005-01-28T04:51:00.000-08:00

me and claire at SAJC crosscountry.

2005-01-27T22:58:00.000-08:00

superficial. everything is just so superficial.

hao

2005-01-25T18:15:00.000-08:00

ystrday:
chinese lesson. teacher was kind of pissed that we kept using the word 'hao' in everything we said... think we drove her crazy. got a C+ for my very first chinese assignment. haha. but i think the highest was a B- as far as i know. whatever. then went back to nan hua with vanessa after school. band was having sectionals. like, havent seen my juniors for such a long time. apparently, most of them dont intend to join band when they hit JC/poly. i dont blame them.

today:
nothing much. slacked from 0745-1045. then went to econs tutorial... damn. that teacher was... *how shall i put it* not interesting. rena just fell aslp.. so obvious lorh... and the teacher didnt even see. then SEA history tutorial... mrs ram. she's sarcastic as usual, but strangely, very funny and nice. then world history with mr yoong. he caught a guy sleeping... woah... all i'll say is, 'that was scary'. michelle was nodding off next to me too... then lit. mrs tan let us off early cos we looked so frigging dead. then GP... GP was the most fun. had to go in grps of 4. grped with cheryl, stella, joyce. then the class played this guessing game... then our grp's ideas are the most *ummm...let's just say* creative. super funny. the -super nice crappy jokers-.

2005-01-22T21:55:00.000-08:00

went church for worship prac today... gosh, i think i'm lagging alot in piano/keyboard. must buck up le... at least i'll get to start piano lessons next month again... i dont know, but now it seems to me that music is really an important part of my life. sounds cliche, but it's true. then did the econs tutorial... what do they mean by discussion questions? issit in essay form or what? how long must it be? or issit those one sentence type that one? whatever.. havent touched them yet. have been humming this song to myself alot... i dont know... but the lyrics kind of really mean alot to me.

Do you ever feel like breaking down?
Do you ever feel out of place?
Like somehow you just don't belong and no one understands you
Do you ever wanna run away?
Do you lock yourself in your room with the radio on turned up so loud so that no one hears you screaming

no you don't know what its like when nothing feels alright
no you don't know what its like to be like me
to be hurt
to to feel lost
to be left out in the dark
to be kicked when you're down
you feel like you've been pushed around
to be on the edge of breaking down and no one's there to save you
no you don't know what its like
welcome to my life

Do you wanna be somebody else?
are you sick of feeling so left out?
are you desperate to find something more before your life is over?
Are you stuck inside a world you hate?
Are you sick of everyone around?
with the big fake smiles and stupid lies
While deep inside your bleeding

no you don't know what its like when nothing feels alright
no you don't know what its like me
to be hurt to
to feel lost
to be left out in the dark
to be kicked when you're down you feel like you've been pushed around
to be on the edge of breaking down and no one's there to save you
no you don't know what its like
welcome to my life

no one ever lied straight to your face and no one ever stabbed you in the back
You might think I'm happy but I'm not gonna be ok
everybody always gave you what you wanted
never had to work it was always there
you don't know what its like, what its like

to be hurt
to feel lost
to be left out in the dark
to be kicked when your down you feel like you've been pushed around
to be on the edge of breaking down and no one's there to save you
no you don't know what its like

to be hurt
to be lost
to be left out in the dark
to be kicked when you're down you feel like you've been pushed around
to be on the edge of breaking down and no one's there to save you
no you don't know what its like
welcome to my life.
welcome to my life
welcome to my life

simple plan. welcome to my life.

2005-01-20T17:20:00.000-08:00

ooww... i'm like hurting all over... really regret for not doing frequent excercise. hai... then PE ystrday was sooo painful... lucky that teacher was only a sub. our whole class was aching like mad lah... then today was even worse... we couldnt even climb the stairs. haha... so many of us had to cling on the the railing to climb up and down... haha... we looked like, super funny lah. then when we saw stairs, we would be like, 'oh noooo.... no more stairs....' then i heard someone from some other class going, 'oh, they must have had PE'... haha... this is hilarious lah. nothing much today. oh yeah... my first chinese tutorial.

i'm like super happy lorh... cos my entire class cant speak chinese... haha... we all suck at that. and i'm really serious abt that. i've nvr found so many pple who suck so much in chinese before... trust me, it was horrible.. i think we cld have made the teacher cry... cos everything she said, we didnt understand.. then she had to talk in english.. LOL. we didnt even know how to read her name... HAHAHAHA. lit was kinda boring for me. cos i dunno, maybe i was too tired or something.

and i really like the SFC. so happy i joined that. i think i made the right decision in joining that instead of band. found out that the band's trumpet section had 6 J1s... all girls. and 3 practices a week... i cant take that sort of stress anymore... SFC rocks!! made so many new friends during ystrday's meeting and played this game where i had to eat a banana blindfolded and let my teeth be brushed. haha. and the other game where we bonded with others... kinda forgot the names... can rmb grace from nanyang... her sis is from nhsb, my jr. can also rmb nathaniel... cos we said 'hi' today. also rmb daniel, who has these really cool green braces. can rmb melizza from commonwealth, jane from st margs, anna from dunno where. yup. really thankful that there's such a cca which wld really help to bring me back closer to God. --to know Him and to make Him known--

and happy birthday to calvin!!

2005-01-18T19:51:00.000-08:00

okay... i regret saying all those stuff about being so sick of slacking cos I WANNA SLACK AGAIN. haha. today classes finished at 445pm. the whole morning was free and the class was talking crap as usual -and we all found out who's the class gossip already- haha... but the bonding was fun. and our class is so full of scandals... horrible lah... lol. we started class at 1045. econs. mr tan was the econs tutor. he looks like william hung. and he's smiling like, the whole time to the pt that it's just so freaky. then was history tutorial. mrs ?ram? is like, sooo nice. even though she's super sacarstic lah. then was world history... teacher was this guy.. 4got his name... his lecture was boring. some guy was even slping... the rest of us were stoning. lit and GP were okay. so yeah, that's all for today. and our class rocks! whee...

2005-01-16T11:59:00.000-08:00

seriously lah. this is sick. i only have one lecture for tmr, or rather, today: history. 745-845. then, finish. nothing else. nada. zilch. free the whole day. until 1245 then can go. THAT'S LIKE 4 HRS FREE TIME. i mean, why cant i just leave school. for the first time in my life, i wish that there's tutorials tmr so i can stop wasting my life.... argghhh. helped toinh with his blog the other day... quite frustrating process but managed to 'chen gong' haha... at least he has a nice blog now. and i've finally figured out a way to cheer myself up and to vent all my frustrations. ^_^. so i'm happy now... haha.

ANYONE WANTS TO GO SAJC FUNFAIR CAN COME BUY COUPONS FROM ME. 19 FEB. DONT GO TO JJC ONE.. COME TO SAJC ONE... haha... no lah... go to the funfair which sounds more fun.. haha.

2005-01-14T17:12:00.000-08:00

nothing much today... well, kinda expected since i take the most slack combi... only civics and econs. and found out that they took attendance for the library talk ystrday... damn. haha... anyways only 5 pple in my class turned up so yeah...

civics we had to get into groups to present on our reflections abt the tsunami thing... mrs tan grouped me, cui yin, charles, joel into one group and we really were efficient to the pt that we were all stoning. just stoning. so we called ourselves 'the stoners'. lol. then mrs tan was like, oh.. u have a group name as well as a mascot (a stone). cui yin: stone princess. charles: stone king. joel: chief stone. me: founding stone. michelle joined us and called herself:stone cold... haha.

my class rocks... though we're not united at all.. there's this bond which we all have and yeah, that's great. i kind of noe most of the peeps in my class so yeah.

went back to nan hua today with calvin and william. william insisted on changing to home clothes.. then he was made to sign in as a visitor.. LOL. then met shang ru there. i didnt bring the fun fair tix to sell, but the 2 of them did.. mrs chan was the most generous.. $10 each to calvin and william.. haha. then met mrs sim and mdm noridah.. mrs sim very happy that i take arts and history..haha. of course what. history teacher mah... then saw my dearest juniors: wen wei and melissa... my goodness... like time passes really fast.

2005-01-12T21:04:00.000-08:00

today only had history lecture... the world history lecturer was kind of scary... 'punishment wld be subjected to *something something* sadistic pleasures of the lecturer'.. that is freaky... lessons havent really started yet except for econs... and our class civics teacher finally came. haha. class comm is almost all girls... that's a big big contrast compared to 4/11... and i still havent gotten over this 'mini' culture shock i'm experiencing in SA... so anyways ( i'm going around in loops...) since lesson ended at 820am (courtesy of the hist lecturer on the account that there was nothing else to say) and house talk was at 1145, had more than 3 hrs of free time... so went to the SC with some of OG 4, then sat with A11 in the canteen and talked. went back to the SC to hang out with OG 4 again... talked ALOT... then after house talk, went civics. (dunno why i keep mixing up the word 'civics' with 'physics'... haha)

then after that went to sign up for cca with vanessa and her friend. feel sorry for vanessa cos odac had so many pple crowding arnd there then she cannot get a form... but she found the SA sports club... kinda interesting lah.. apparently, they're training for a competition where they see who climbs stairs the fastest.. haha. then i went to sign up for my cca. then went to the audi to watch the band perform... 3 practices a week leh... hear until quite stressed. there were okay... cornet got 3 pple, all j2 guys. alot of pple in the audi, many of which must be sec sch band members, so i have a feeling that competition among each other is gonna be an issue too. went home with vanessa after the last song and talked quite alot on the bus, catching up on each other's week so far...

tmr i only have one class: PE. one talk: library. this is sick... have to wait another 3 hrs for a talk on how to borrow books... that's why many of my fellow peers aint gonna turn up tmr.. gonna crash other jcs or something like that. also heard that CJC is the hardest to cash.. apparently u get arrested if caught.. scary.

2005-01-11T21:24:00.000-08:00

so i went out with atalia and denise until quite late last night... maybe arnd 9 plus? then we went to NTUC to get some sweets for lectures the next day... NTUC was quite empty at that time... so we went to pay, and my goodness, this was so freaky. there was this woman paying for her stuff in front of us... and she just turned arnd and stared at me. then she said,' you remind me of my dead daughter'. my goodness, i was like oh issit? and all the time i was freaking out... i was like... a dead person resembles me? eekss... then when she was getting her bags, she turned arnd and asked me, 'pls. can u pls call me 'mummy? i wont bother u anymore'... so i was like... okay. 'mummy'. and she left... so when it was my turn to pay, the bill came up to $60 plus bucks. i was like, wth? to the cashier... and she was like, 'ur paying for your mum's stuff too rite?' and i was like, NO... i'm so not related to her... atalia, denise and me didnt have enough cash then... even then, there was no way in hell i was paying for that woman's stuff.. anyways, i started to argue with the cashier... she was like, 'you called her mummy'. and i went nuts... I WAS SO PISSED. then managed to call atalia's parents... so they came down and helped us out... and atalia and denise left with them. then soon, as i was walking out of NTUC, some men started running towards me, shouting, 'security! stop!' i dont know why... but i started to run but, of course, clumsy me, i fell down and THEY started to pull my leg... just like i've been pulling your leg for the past 3 minutes... geddit? lol. have a nice day.

credits: atalia

2005-01-09T16:53:00.000-08:00

nothing much happened today. went church. went to the basement to join the sec sch pple... then played double whacko... SO FUN!!! then left cos had to collect the bursary thing. went to hong kah cc to collect bursary thing... i mean, what's their problem lorh.... stupid crowded place. and must wear school uniform somemore... what for? it's stupid. gd thing there's one minute silence for the tsunami thing... but dunno how come some pple can be so damn damn inconsiderate... cannot even just shut the hell up for 60 seconds... and must insist on talking at the top of their lungs... really damn damn idiotic. an SA senior sat next to me, from the science fac.. didnt talk much, but she looked very pissed off with the hong kah cc too... for putting us through this. anyways, saw huang yu there... he went to hcjc... wah... smart horh. then talked for quite a long time... or short time? cant rmb. it's like havent seen him for 2 mths already, then still got quite a fair bit to talk about. he's also very blur about current and past issues... haha... so blur. while leaving, i saw so many kiasu singaporeans... when u associate kaisu singaporeans and buffet tables, what do u get? i rest my case. haha.

brad pitt and jennifer aniston split. i dont believe it. oh, and ystrday's new paper featured a pet shop which sued a guy for slandering them on the net... my goodness... better be careful on what i post. haha. and my hair's still jet black.. frigging unnatural colour.. my hair's gonna drop off... 2 dye jobs in a week... my goodness. scarli tio cancer or something.. better stop le.

2005-01-07T14:26:00.000-08:00

calvin, vanessa and i actually reached school early today... haha. but too early... reached at 7 cos today the mrt and bus all very efficient. so now our official meeting time is 630, BUT can afford to be late by at most 5 mins. cos if we meet at 635, someone wld definitely be late.. haha... lame lah.

SA's chapel is really interesting... but not feeling really good today cos ystrday night sort of left me with this 'hangover' feeling. today only had one lecture. 915-1015. economics... the teacher was mrs tan. yup, i still have no idea what is economics teaching abt. goodness me, i'm blur. the LT was so cold... no jacket. then cold places always makes me drowsy.. lucky weiqi advice me to bring sweets... so i stayed awake *yay! chen gong le!* since we cant leave the college until 1250, i slacked for more than 2 hrs with my groupmates/classmates. aand i got all their names. had brunch cos i missed breakfast this morning. then went home with calvin and vanessa and talked alot on the bus.

my grpmates/classmates
-atalia.
-denise.
-joyce. she looks alot like li jia wei. i'm not kidding.
-stella.
-shu fen. she reminds me of mavis.

monday i also only have one lecture: lit. and yeah... SA told the student body to redye the hair... so i guess i have to re-dye it this time. haiz... was beginning to love my hair colour. and yeah... my hair's gonna smell of panadol cos of the dye.

school's starting tmr

2005-01-06T22:21:00.000-08:00

gonna be in the same class as rena, atalia, denise and dunno who... taking history, econs, lit, gp and yeah... chinese. -sheesh- chinese sucks.
just came back from school. orientation ended at 9pm today. thank goodness vanessa's parents so kind to fetch me home too. today was exhausting. too tired to type anything. oh yeah, grp 4 rocks! SA arts fac rocks too! and silarius yeah, rocks too. haha. too bad wont be in the same class as my grp mates... really entertaining to have them around. =(

tick-tock. tick-tock. what is the time right now?

ans: 6 o'clock

2nd day of school

2005-01-04T17:38:00.000-08:00

got to know pple more... and found out how to spell the arts faculty group name: silarius... at first i thought it was hilarious... haha... geddit? okay. lame. i suck at remembering pple's names that i saved a msg with their names, schools, description. we had treasure hunt today and GROUP 4 ROCKS! the cheers we came up with were like totally inpromptu and yet they sounded amazingly great. the music thing was boring cos that guy was singing some chinese song... and basically promoting his company. i was stoning the whole time or talking to wei long who sat in front of me. cant rmb much. hehe... except when the singer started singing 'music of the night'... whoa... started to sms lilian... thought he was not bad until he screwed up the high note.. haha...funny.. both lian and i think that lucas wins this guy by a mile...

highlight of the day was when we were passing up the forms... when we were all in a classroom... we played all the lame games... then this yi heng (spelled his name wrongly last entry) everything also dunno... LOL. serious... he wld think that it has something to do with the sequence or letters... haha. then the mrt game drove him up the wall... really really thankful now that weiqi taught me all those... *xie xie shifu*. i didnt know the 'bang, bang, who died?' game... then msged that lame shifu to ask him quick teach me... haha... so i didnt look like an idiot. lunch was fun too... some of us bought the food, and some bought the drinks so we didnt have to double queue. and the group challenged yi heng to ask a girl for her number. he asked 4? girls, but nope, not a single number...haha. then everyone from other groups were all looking and laughing too. my group so so rocks!

took 61 with vanessa home. met up with jun chen (pri 6 classmate) and james (yeah, rmbrd that the 'chinese high' was called james... he's our OG rep now). dont rmb jun chen, haha... he also doesnt rmb me. and i finally found out that there is a chinese restaurant in chinese high. high class worh...

tmr involves lots and lots of dirty stuff... not sure whether i wanna go. lilian already dead set that she doesnt want to go. shld i go? or shld i not?

first day of school

2005-01-03T17:19:00.000-08:00

whee... met calvin and vanessa at bt batok at 630. took 97 from je. was supposed to reach there at 720 apparently, but reached there at 735 cos of traffic jam. was in grp 4. 6 arts groups and 25 science groups... wow. nobody from nan hua in my group but anyways, made lots of friends. lilian was in group 3. awwww... shucks. my group so rocks even though i'm not sure who is who. i'm terrible at remembering names... i just cant get 30 names and faces in one day...

denise is from tanjong katong girls. she's the first one i talked to whom i didnt noe.
ee ling is from -not sure-. she wants to switch to the science faculty.
there's also yi ling. forgot quite alot le... -_-
atalia is from a girls school... oh man, she's lamer than me... she knows the clock and the mrt game... thank goodness weiqi taught me the trick otherwise i'd look like an idiot. she pinch pple until very pain wan.
pei yu is from river valley. she's very nice and funny.
stella is from scgs. talked abit to her during lunch.
angie is from anglican high. she knows isabel. didnt talk that much to her.
reagen is from commonwealth. he plays the bass in band.
shane is from acs barker or st andrew's sec... cant rmb. he plays the horn in band.
wei long is from coral sec. he's the first guy i talked to cos i played that tarzan and jane game one-to-one with him. i lost.
alex and yi hong... i think i might mix these 2 up cos they're always sticking together.
alex is from jurong sec... their uniform looks like nj uniform... and this is so freaky. he kind of bears some kind of resemblance to jun hong... must go ask jh whether they're related or something.
yi hong is from maris stella. he looks abit like aaron.
one more guy from chinese high... just cant rmb his name for now. so farnie.. everytime got thinking qn, the whole group wld just go, 'chinese high, chinese high' and make this guy do all the thinking.

had fun today. i think we're the most slack and lame group... haha. but slackers tend to stick together. haha. sms-ing wai sze now. she says that a couple of out pri 6 classmates in her group... must go and talk to all of them tmr. and i didnt get caught for my hair. no diff cos like, got so many pple in my group has coloured hair.

2005-01-02T21:06:00.000-08:00

youth worship today. sat at the same pew with joel, hans, weiqi and bel. and we shifted 2 times during the service... sec 1s joined us todae... time really flies. like not long ago, i was coming back from the 2003 camp, and now, we finished the 2004 camp. roo gave me a christmas prez... i feel so bad, cos i didnt get anything for her. claire also gave me a note. the chapel was packed today... which is a great thing ya. the message was about having a purpose, mostly. and i started thinking... for the past 16 yrs, did i have a purpose to go to church at all? i feel like i didnt... well... on the bright side, my reason is better than hans: his purpose for going to church is to look at babes... lol.

then after church, went out to plaza for farewell lunch for zhenhao. have to say i owe alot and alot to this guy. i really do. will miss him de... but only for 6 mths ba. seriously, if i were in china, i dont think i can take all that chinese... found out that my angel for the youth camp was louis... and that he ran in the rain to 711 to get me a present... lol. hanna... lucky to get such a gd angel.

now talking to calvin, who's like, telling me what to bring for tmr... my goodness, now then tell me. always last minute wan... stuff like that. this guy is seriously detailed... lucky heng he going sa then can tell me everything. also found out that there are very few arts pple in sa and lots and lots of science pple. wah... very relieved, then exams wont be that stressed.

and my hair is still reddish-brown. or brownish-red. thanks to all those today who assured me that it's gonna be okay... but i'm still scared... haha.

2005-01-02T06:29:00.000-08:00

bunk mates in youth camp 2004. all from L-R. 1st row:lilian, pearlyn. 2nd row:ling xuan, jolene, kexin, lucinda, me. 3rd row: isabel, laura, cheryl. credits:lucinda

2005-01-02T06:27:00.000-08:00

5 of us at youth camp 2004. L-R: lilian, shaun, isabel, me, joel.

2005-01-01T21:44:00.000-08:00

cham cham... i think i'm gonna be in trouble at the first day of school. my aunt coloured my entire head of hair today cos i needed to get rid of the highlights... said wanted to colour it dark dark brown cos chinese pple dont have jet black hair and cos it would look ugly. and guess what. my hair turned out just brown.. reddish... whatever. it's not natural looking. confirm can tell that it's dyed when i go back to school... oh man... sure get into trouble.

the tsunami thing is like, so sad. thank God that singapore is safe, protected by sumatra. but all the casualties... it's just so sad. seeing orphans all alone in this world... if it were me, i'd rather my whole family die or survive together. then saw the CNN coverage of these islands called the nicobar islands. well, isnt that a coincidence. a priest went there to pray with the pple... cos the islands had been totally washed over. one man, who lost his entire family, just looked so peaceful. and the touching thing was that he kept saying 'Jesus' and how that word alone could bring him so much peace. the pple who had been prayed for, though sad, looked so different compared to the other pple in other countries hit.

btw, i hate to go to places with crowds. i really do. oh forgot... new yrs eve, went uncle's house. and did what? watched 'the day after tmr' vcd. i mean, WHAT ON EARTH IS WRONG WITH ADULTS? tsunami hit until so cham still want to watch that show? of all the shows in the world, i mean. why that show? i dont deny that it's a really nice show... but isnt it the wrong time?

youth camp

2004-12-31T15:06:00.000-08:00

2 words. it rocked. yeah... thank goodness lucinda was in my group or i would have gone insane. and thank goodness that weiqi was my confidante. had lots and loads of fun. the best part was that the 5 of us were reunited again... shaun, joel, lian, bel and me. we've known each other since we were kids and split up last yr... and now, everyone is back... really made me happy. and we took a photo where joel didnt even try to hide his face... yay. my group was okay ba. but we werent really enthu or united or anything... in fact, i was kind of freaked out over something... scared me half to death. i would have bailed and gone home if not for lucinda. but in the end, i still had fun and i learnt so much there. and i really appreciate all these now.

2004-12-28T10:31:00.000-08:00

had lots of fun ystrday. went out with levina, linghui, towni, hongming. david was sick... dunno what happen to him... hope he gets well soon. met at mcdonalds... was 20 mins late... hehe. then went to play pool... played with linghui and towni played with hm. i won!... lol. then went to kbox... sang for arnd 5 hrs.... so fun... i think i'm addicted to kbox-ing le... didnt know that towni cld play the drums... very interesting. i dont believe that in all the 4 yrs i've known him, he nvr told me that. i learnt chinese songs too! lol. must practice chinese b4 school starts mah... too bad i only know how to sing the chorus of the chinese songs... oh wells. then sang 12 days of christmas... that was great. hm accompanied me to sing. then all the chinese songs not by jay chou, levina and linghui sang. and all the jay chou songs were done by towni, hm and me. (if i knew the tune or something). all english songs were mostly me ba. maybe towni and hm. lol. went home at 7. cos kbox wld chase us away at 7. reached home at arnd 730.

watched this show. called 'magic's biggest secrets revealed' at 10. it was a really interesting show where magic tricks and illusions were explained by this masked magician. wow. that was really really interesting.

happy bday to shaun and nick today.

2004-12-26T17:25:00.000-08:00

merry christmas to all...

friday. christmas eve
went for handbell practice, then went for family gathering on mum's side. saw this slide show abt the family and all the 2nd generation pple started crying cos 2 of their siblings have passed away. it was kinda sad. then went to chuch for candlelight service. kinda short this yr around compared to the previous yrs... didnt stay for communion.

saturday. christmas
found out that mark's passpart expired then he could not go to pontian with us... so we left him in singapore. went church for christmas service. then after that, went to kbox at paradiz with lucinda and cheryl. couldnt read the words for the chinese songs... i think my chinese is seriously lagging... the lunch there was quite bad... then went back to the hideout and then boarded the bus to pontian. the bus trip was fun cos we were singing and all... then all the 'phantom of the opera pple' all singing all the phantom songs.. then went to pontian for their christmas service... their childrens' choir was very gd. even though their english wasnt very gd, and they couldnt sing in tune, u cld hear them sing so sincerely and that was very touching. the hearts team did a great job too. then went back to singapore, picked up mark and went home.

sunday. the aftermath.
church again... lol. didnt go out after church cos the camp comm had some meeting, so went for lunch and went home to slp.

2004-12-24T01:07:00.000-08:00

oh man... this is hilarious... just got off the mtv website and found out that there might be an 'ocean's thirteen'.. haha... i havent even watch ocean's twelve yet... and they've started plotting the next movie? lol. also found out that the 6th book of harry potter comes out in july 2005 and pre-orders have caused that book to hit no. 1 in the best-sellers list when it hasnt even been published yet.. is the world showing signs of kiasu-ism... haha... i think so. but i think that the 6th book is somehow gonna rock. congrats to lian who got into SA. now have someone else accompanying me to SA arts. no better person but one of my childood friends... =)

the USA has just released a new movie: I AM DAVID... lol. why now then release? shld have released in during sec 2 so could spare me the trouble of reading the lit book mah...and doing all those mind-maps... and all the analysis... haha, i'm gonna watch this when it comes out in Singapore.

just got the mp3 of maroon 5's new song, sunday morning. kinda jazzy, but that's why i like it. watched the video on mtv, but there's some sound problem with the video so the vol was really soft. so now with the mp3, i can hear it really clearly.

it's christmas eve now. time passes so fast... it's like not long ago that i was a sec 1, going into nan hua. now school's out and 4 yrs have passed. the christmas tree is all set up and it looks really cosy at home...

i've changed

2004-12-21T01:02:00.000-08:00

i've changed. indeed. i'm not gonna be afraid anymore. in the past, i would freak out. but i've changed. i'm not gonna be stepped upon so easily. i'm not gonna be an easy target anymore cos i would not be affected. i'm not afraid to stand up for myself. and i'm not afraid to admit that with the help of my family and friends, i will never give in. giving in the whole time all this while. not this time. i did nothing to be ashamed of or instigated anything. that's why i have nothing... nothing at all to be intimidated by. now i understand how trials and tribulations can strengthen a person. no better way to know but to experience stuff firsthand. i will never ever let anyone bring me down or pick on me. this is the last time. nobody messes with me anymore cos i've changed. i will not back down. of course i'm still the same me, but i'm stronger and i know how to defend myself. there's absolutely nothing wrong with defending yourself. i have nothing to be scared of. now i can live in peace because my conscience is clear and because simply, i have family, friends and God. and nothing can ever ruin these relationships.

the elderly are really wise.

2004-12-20T02:16:00.000-08:00

when i was sec 1, our class went to the old folks home. i talked with an old man and he left me with some advice. he told me that in life, you only need a few true friends. he said that it's becos he didnt have real friends, he ended up in the old folks home. i cried when i got home cos i felt so sorry for the old man. i never did understand. but now i do.

i'm glad that i have concerned friends. sr, mel, weiqi, levina, towni. pple who did not just hear, but offered to listen as well. i'm glad i have a great family. putting up with my emotional rollercoaster and all. i think christmas is gonna be great. God has blessed the SoC... we exceeded our target and now we can enjoy camp with no worries. i think i've finally understood what my parents have been teaching me. christmas isnt all about commercialised stuff. it's about Jesus and how much love we actually have and how oblivious to all this love we have become. giving is also impt. but i think i have taken much more than i cld give, but i'll try to give it all back and more.

2004-12-18T09:34:00.000-08:00

i screwed up. somehow i have this feeling that i shouldn't have chosen SA. hai... too late anyways.

reasons why i shouldnt have chosen SA:
-i think my o lvl results are gonna suck real bad.
-distance factor. pJ is so much nearer.
-i should have gotten a job instead. and earned cash.

anyways, if i dont like the first 3 mths in a jc, i really dont mind going to a poly cos u get to specialise in a certain area instead of multi-tasking like in jC.

happy 16th bday to shang ru. he's been a great listener and i really appreciated that. =)

2004-12-17T17:30:00.001-08:00

2/2 2002 band members.
L-R:peiying, esther, xiaohuan, crystal, me.
credits: esther

2004-12-17T17:30:00.000-08:00

cornet section.
from shuyi's batch to edward's batch.
credits: esther

2004-12-17T16:07:00.000-08:00

yeah... made it into SA. with my buddy vanessa heng... friend for 4 yrs... then live near each other so next time can go school together. at least i'm not alone... but at the same time, feeling sad cos we're all splitting up..

david, clem going Pj.
towni, linghui, kai lun going Jj.
jeanette, emily, brandon going Ac.
Xue ting going Aj.

still got lots of buddies... all -woosh- away.

got some nice pix which esther finally sent me... gonna post them up. and thanks to weiqi who was being a gd listener last night. yeah.. promise to walk down orchard to see the lights...and thanks to clement who helped me see my results. and the smart guy actually got it at 9am when the stated time is 10... *claps*

2004-12-17T00:52:00.000-08:00

cornet section of nhsb with mr tan at cultural potpourri. credits: esther

2004-12-16T23:31:00.000-08:00

credits:levina. date: forgot le. dont care also.

2004-12-16T23:30:00.000-08:00

411 girls at high tea. 1st row, L-R: xueting, vanessa heng, von, em, linghui. 2nd row, L-R:yayun, yinmay, rebecca, vanessa tham, me, levina, jeanette. credits:levina

2004-12-16T12:51:00.000-08:00

sian diao le lah... this holiday sucks... all i'm doing is gaining weight. shit lah... so ambitionless and motivationless... see pple like junhong and von getting jobs... and earning cash. me leh? whole day playing solitaire showdown with brandon... arrghhhh... i know i'm known as a slacker, but this is too much slacking le...

toinh got chicken pox... goodness. is it possible to get it at 16? so old le... hope he gets better.

was looking at photo albums ystrday. wow. thank goodness dad is a photographer. haha... got 4 big albums of me. will scan pix nxt time... but goodness... haha... so many memories came back

i rmb lyon. my childhood friend who moved to america. he taught me my first vulgarity... lol...
i rmb that cow of a maid.
i rmb all those visits to the zoo cos dad was a member then can get in free or something.

then i realised that after those yrs... after pri.2, there were no more photos. cos i hated taking photos after that. loss of childhood. and i finally understand what kai lun meant when he called my pri 2 self ugly... haha. zhu tou.

tmr is the prelim posting. SA? maybe. but now, like having a change of heart. i wld rather go to PJ cuz of the distance and becos of something else. hai... tmr then say bah. i dun feel like going first 3 mths leh... cos my 3 close frens have diff pts. cannot go to JC together. bye bye to them. will miss them alot de lorh. arrghh... how coem i cannot make up my mind lorh.

and a happy belated bday to lilian and joel. childhood church friends up tlil now, pri school mates, and our friendship's still going very very strong... haha. finally 16 le.

2004-12-14T15:33:00.000-08:00

what i want for christmas:

walk down orchard road one of these nights to look at the christmas lights.

world peace...haha. yeah right. as if it'll ever happen

a plane ticket to new york and back.

to be happy.

what i have for christmas:

a family.

friends.

a christmas tree nicely decorated.

a nice bed for sleeping on. *my 10 hrs of sleep*

2004-12-11T21:48:00.000-08:00

damn. my skin allergy is acting up. eczema...wadever...cant spell it. damn the weather. die la...the allergy hasnt acted up since pri6...that's 4 yrs ago... my goodness. must find some cream or medicine to get rid of all my scars and whatever.

am officially not depressed le... haha... quicker than expected. am back to my usual hyper self.

went church at 12 today to meet steff and vic for tmr's thing. then went to yoshi for lunch. the rain was horrendous. and the traffic was horrific. we saw a bus driver sleeping, yes, sleeping cos of the slow traffic. then went to extra at handbells and got roped in for christmas. haha...it's been so long since i've touched the bells. talked to fonzi and realised that 4 yrs has passed by so so quickly. it's like not long ago when i asked him abt how to choose a sec. sch... now we're talking about jCs... that's fast. then fell aslp. won't say where i fell aslp at cos the place is too embarrassing... will be humiliated until no end... =)

on to yesterday. friday. 10th dec 2004. youth rally. went there at 11 something then lunched at paradiz centre with the youths. got roped in to be the usher. *there are 2 kinds of ushers in this world. one is a singer...one dunno wad la...* lol. the thing ended at 10. then went kopitiam with lian and friends, steff, joel, rudolf, weiqi. stayed there until 11 something cos it was pouring... -damn this weather-. reached home at arnd 12. dad was ballistic cos according to his standards, it's damn damn late. haha...so i have a curfew of 12am from now on. which is fair, i guess...

2004-12-09T23:16:00.000-08:00

i never wanna go to -spotlight- for the rest of my life. i'm serious about that. never ever ever.

went church for abt 1 hr++ b4 gng home cos i had nothing better to do

stayed home alone for the afternoon

damn this. damn this. damn this. k...i'm going nuts... i gave up on certain stuff. i really did. and i'm feeling quite better now... not as depressed as last time. maybe i just had to let go in order to feel better. no worries.
target: to get rid of all depression so i can be my usual happy self when school starts.
actions: forget abt all negative stuff and think positive. dont think about unhappy stuff or stuff which piss me off.

managed to fall asleep at 1.30am last night. a half-hour improvement... hopefully can reach my target of 1130pm by the end of the holidays. pls let my body-clock go back to normal, otherwise i'll crack. i'll try for 1am today.

2004-12-07T23:59:00.000-08:00

miss narrating an extremely detailed version of my day, so here goes. i'll try to say everything cuz i wanna try to get out of this slight rough patch i'm experiencing now.

dad fetched me to church at arnd 1130 liddat. went church cos i promised lucinda and hans i'd be there. did the advert. for the youth camp thing. was kind of confused over what i had to act as. really kind of made me upset, but not that upset. shant go into details. talked with lian abt stuff, though it wasnt much. missed the times when i poured everything out...but yeah, with interruptions, not very convenient. bought lunch at macs and ate at the hideout. then cleaned up when everyone went for the hearts thing. then went to watch them... so funny to see hans acting as God. and even stranger to see laura acting as the devil when she's so guai. watched the acting with rudolf and lawrence cos we werent involved. tried to slp on lucinda's lap, but yeah..could not. interrogated hans about his love life and all cos nothing better to do. come to think of it, it was kinda lame, but oh well, i really had nothing else to do. sat on the table while they were debriefing and started to think of lots of stuff...was sort of oblivious to the surroundings...dunno why, but felt like crying over dont know what. was even tearing abit and was totally stoned, just staring at the wooden floor but, oh wells. then we all went back to the hideout and i tried to slp but yeah, insomnia again. maybe it was the noise.

when lian came back, pearlyn, me and her went to PS to buy the movie tix. hans came later cos quote 'he was winning' at some board game. watched 'without a paddle'. quite okay. but what does a paddle have to do with the storyline? i have no idea. but very funny... it actually took my mind off stuff. then joined the rest at pastamania. couldnt bear to part with cash cos had to save it. so went home with lian. saved some money at least.

2004-12-07T22:35:00.000-08:00

i give up. i really do. this is not worth my time or whatsoever. it's only giving me more stress and making me think alot more. maybe it's the cause of my insomnia...i dont noe. i know what would happen based on my actions and i'm not gonna take the risk. i dont wanna risk having anything to happen and yeah, i dont need any more crap in my life now. i'll crack. but i'll somehow live through this. by ignoring everything and become oblivious. yeah i would.

happy bday to kailun. friend for 8 yrs and hopefully, friendship's still going strong. really sorry i couldnt get him a present...feel so bad cuz he got me something for my bday...hai...will make it up next yr ba.

2004-12-06T23:39:00.000-08:00

a big thanks and a big hug to that friend who could offered to lend a listening ear to me without me asking at all. felt so much better that some stuff is lifted off me and yeah, i am really really thankful to that friend of mine. have to admit that he's one of the last pple i wld have thought of running to when i'm in trouble. thanks alot and alot again. i promise that i'll be happy even though it might take some time ya. i really mean that promise and soon i'll be up and happy again like last time.

and a happy bday to jeanette

2004-12-05T22:23:00.000-08:00

ROD for 2001-2004 pple. L to R: me, peiying, crystal, xiaohuan, esther ( the 2/2 2002 band members)

2004-12-05T22:22:00.000-08:00

ROD for NHSB. 2001-2004 batch. 3rd dec 2004

2004-12-04T23:09:00.000-08:00

why can't i feel genuinely happy nowadays? used to always be happy. but now, there's total sadness in me even though i try to look happy. feel so fake.

bye bye nhsb

2004-12-03T23:10:00.000-08:00

officially woke up at 1130-12pm today. was half aslp b4 that while replying to smses and phone calls. went to school for r.o.d. was supposed to meet vanessa on the bus, but she wasnt there. reached school at 230. gave juniors presents. the 3 sec 3s didnt turn up...really disappointed. haiz. anyways, von came later, then we went canteen to eat. then talked and talked. when vanessa came, we played dai dee. won 3 games in a row. strangely, during a game when i got 3 'di-s', i lost. bahz. very pissed off with myself. then blew up the paper ball which my dad gave to me a long time ago and played paper volleyball with von. stupid ball too light, so kept flying around and around. then saw the talentime. cornet did really well, in my opinion. did singapore idol, then got one ricola ad. dunno how come ricola can turn into nicola, then become a small tribute to me...lol. so sweet lorh. some group did the bust enhancement skit. cornet came up with that like, the year b4 i even came into nhsb. =(. copyright infringement...hehe. then went to take photos. took lots and lots of photos. then went to jurong pt for dinner at pizza hut.

went with: vanessa, von, marie, qingling, rena, jia wei, zaewe... then went to take neoprint or whatever that's called. so fun, 8 pple squeezed into that booth... by then already 9 something. then went home. took train with von and vanessa. dropped off at bt gombak where dad picked me. then picked brother up then went home. already 1015 by then. anyways, it was fun. will never forget today. =)

2004-12-03T22:59:00.000-08:00

grad afternoon, 24th nov 2004, at the hilton hotel
L to R: me, vanessa h, xue ting, brandon
credits: brandon and his camera

room cleaning

2004-12-02T16:13:00.000-08:00

i'm a sucker for jazz music... i really am. my goodness, i'm such a sucker. was watching jamie cullum performing at a concert on tv the other day and i was totally absorbed into it. when i take up piano again, i'm so gonna take intensive jazz music.

phew...after 6 hrs, i've finally cleaned my room finished...cleared the cupboards, emptied them to make way for jc1/poly 1 books/notes. have 5 piles of books and worksheets all ready to be given to my sis. have 6 plastic bags full of stuff to be thrown. tear paper until my hand very very pain... am allergic to all the dust and all, so kept sneezing non-stop. and now, i have a big red nose from all that sneezing. was cleaning as well as baby-sitting my childish brother...at last the whole holiday i can really relax...ahhhhh...

GO TAUFIK!

2004-12-01T23:08:00.000-08:00

OMG!!! TAUFIK WON!!! i'm like so totally friggin happie!!!!! wheeee!!! my 3 votes paid off afterall...woohoo...now go world idol have face le!!!!! woooooo!!!!! haha...still feeling high...taufik is the singapore idol!!! my goodness!!!

okay..cool down... saw world idol on channel 5 in the afternoon....managed to catch heinz winckler!!! shit...he so so rocks my world...heinz winckler is the south african idol btw and that guy is not only shuai, he sings really really well...

i think the taufik fans are gonna party hard...real hard..haha..still so happie. was screaming when i saw DAVID YEO!!! he become even more shuai worhz... but noticed when jerry ong sang, noone cheered. i mean, it was so quiet there...feel so sad for him. sorry for the sylvester fans. but taufik fans, esp. von: rock on!

have to clean room tmr...haiz...

2004-11-30T15:11:00.000-08:00

went shopping with xueting yesterday for r.o.d presents for our juniors. wont say where and what i bought. met yiting and her 4/7 classmates, buying stuff for their chalet. also bought a nice flower keychain for myself cus the last one broke or something. my hands were full of shopping and still had to buy lunch for mum and mark. met vanessa and her mum and siblings at bukit batok mrt. lucky the bus was empty so could sit down. went home and wrapped the presents and wrote notes to all my juniors. was tough writing to those whom i didnt noe well or worse, those whom i've never talked to.

just found out r.o.d is at 1pm on 3rd dec, but i wanna go to sajc band tune-in...dunno what arrangements are gonna be made. have to discuss with vanessa later. also found out that many of my juniors not gonna turn up for r.o.d...did i do a gd job as a senior? i dont think so. well, i kinda skipped r.o.d last yr, so ya, maybe they're learning from me. i'm a bad example. my room's a mess. dont wanna clean it up. just wanna slack for the rest of my life.

to that person whom i nvr ever want to see

2004-11-28T21:32:00.001-08:00

a pain in my side u have been
i sincerely wish that i had never known u
i tried my best to avoid u when i finally realised that having a 'friend' like u is not worth anything
it's not worth my time or effort at all
u have been putting me down since the first day i knew u
a final put-down even when i dont even talk to u
i'm bloody sick of u
it's pple like u who give me sour memories of everything
chances are is that i'll meet u again, knowing my dumb luck
if i ever do, i'll cry
i'll ask God, "why? why put me through this?"
once u open ur mouth, hurtful words come out
motive: to impress others by putting me down
ganging up with others to persecute me
motive: to look cool by picking on a target
sometimes, i just wish u were dead, so that others can be spared from ur crap
worthless crap
i know i cant be judgemental
i know i cannot pass comments like this
maybe it's becos u have no conscience
maybe it's beocs u have no consideration
i dont know
i dont care what the reason is
but this is the last straw
if i ever meet u, i'll pretend that i've never known u
i'll pretend that i never ever want to know u
cos once i acknowledge u, i noe u'll start ur bullshit again
but i wld like to thank u...
for letting me come to the realisation that there are total ass-h**es like that in this world
my final advice: dont behave like an ass.
my final words: God save u and God save the rest who happen to unfortunately meet u
get a life and grow up.

2004-11-27T21:47:00.000-08:00

woke up at 10 today. went back to chalet...dad fetched em, von and me. it was only there when we realised that there was a shuttle bus...didnt have to trouble them at all in the first place... found out that most of the guys bailed earlier...prob all went home to slp or something. we then went to play pool...it was so hot there. linghui and i lost to von and em 3 out of 4 games. havent played pool in 1-2 yrs...haha, whereas von is a seasoned player...then went macs for lunch. i saw jeff wang, the guy acting in xi ling men, roller blading. then i was staring at him...haha. was not sure whether it was him, but he looked kinda bigger-sized in person... wanted to ask for autograph even =). em, von, linghui and i wanted to go karaoke, but the place was closed...haiz..so played one more round of pool and joined the rest at the beach. sat on the breakwater with levina and linghui, just looking at the sea and the waves...beautiful view. then went to see the rest playing ultimate frisbee and sat on another breakwater. towni, hm, kl then joined us. we shouted at the sea like those channel 8 dramas...haha. reason: towni wanted the pple in indonesia to hear us shout... the pple in 4/3 checked in todae. someone there was hopping happy...haha. dunno why also leh =P. then walked back to the chalet. walked barefoot in the sand...very nice feeling. did a final lame clap with towni..i'm gonna miss our lame claps alot, man. vanessa's dad then fetched me to j.e interchange and i went home from there.

411 chalet is over. wont be seeing these guys anymore most probably. realization hasnt sunk in yet, i guess...I'M GONNA MISS THEM...

411 chalet

2004-11-26T23:32:00.000-08:00

24th november 2004
first day of 411 2004 chalet
reached eunos at 3 exactly as planned. bad weather cos of a huge thunderstorm. waited 1 and a half hrs for levina's personal driver to drive us there...squeezed into the car with huang yu, david, yin may, yayun and hong ming at the front seat. chalet was bloody small. abt 20-30 of us in that small chalet which had one small bedroom, one small toilet and one small shower...damn claustraphobic...played like 10 hrs of card games with pple...dai dee, black jack, heart attack, stress...wadever. arnd me, pple were swigging alcoholic stuff...i didnt join them. so played somemore cards with others who refused to drink. arnd 3am, was still playing dai dee with david, liangyuan, chenwee, jeanette...was in a daze already and like could not think straight due to a severe lack of slp. passed out at 4am with most of the pple....freezing cold in the room.

25th november 2004
woke at 7am. 3 hrs of slp. woken up by the mahjong pple and particularly by hong ming's loud voice. waited for abt 1 hr for the mahjong pple to play finish b4 going macs for breakfast. von had problems with her slippers...started to rain when we came back. em, von and i eventually took off our slippers and walked barefoot on the pavement while it started to pour. the guys were throwing frisbee and a a soccer ball arnd. the sea tide was also very high...gorgeous view. that was fun. parents came at afternoon to pick me up. there was a big confusion and anger on my part cos someone took off with my slippers. =( got them back eventually with the help of linghui loaning me her sandals and kailun helping me get them back...these 2 pple rock!

went to SoC thanksgiving dinner with lilian. felt as if i was gonna pass out cos of tiredness, slumped on the table trying to get some shut-eye and hans asked whether i needed a hearse cos i looked dead...wadever. but i had fun there...it rocked. food rocked, but didnt have much of an appetite. my team rocked too...we won the whole thing...*rudolf, wo men hui yong yuan zi chi ni*...LOL. that was fun. got a ride back home thanks to uncle stewart. gonna meet up with others tmr to go back to the chalet for the last day.

btw, i got my hair highlighted...FINALLY.

graduation

2004-11-24T23:59:00.000-08:00

had graduation high tea todae...it was just okay. nothing memorable at all...met with xt and vanessa h. at bt batok then met linghui and em at j.e, brandon at clementi, jeanette at dover, von at commonwealth. while walking towards the hilton later, we met up with toinh and gang. reached the hilton in time...damn high class...got LV, cartier...kaoz...all those expensive stuff which i'll nvr be able to afford in my life...high tea was boring.

sat with the girls. felt kinda sleepy cos i slpt for only 7 hrs last night. the emcee was some alumni member...goodness, no offense, but that guy sucked. he was seriously boring me. scavenger hunt is initially fun, but the thrill does wear off if u play it for 1 hr?? plus... left abt 4, 5 times to check out the toilet with linghui...linghui, von, jeanette and em left half way to go to taka to shop...-power-.tried to slp with the napkin covering my face *it was clean* but someone snatched it away, waking me up...

funny parts:
-liangyuan and gang suaning the emcee the whole damn time...yeah i noe i was doing that too, but they suaned him more than me.
-emcee successfully getting everyone to stand up for some game...but while standing up, half of the people left to go outside, far far away from him... LOL.
-david and i writing almost the exact same thing in the response sheet, suggesting to the comm to get a new emcee and to think of things which are not so lame.
we bailed while the high tea was ending...didnt feel like singing that aulangsyne??? song...lame.

just finished packing up my stuff for tmr's chalet. wld be staying until late afternoon on the 26th b4 going to the thanksgiving dinner for the SOC. will go back prob the morning of the 27th and leave at night cos i have church on the 28th. tmr's a long long day. the itenery is going thru my head right now...
-go to sajc to hand in the PAE form
-prob go auntie's hairdressing shop to highlight hair
-meet xueting at bukit batok mrt control station at 2
-meet the rest at eunos at 3
too bad i cant go nhss open house tmr...wanted to see my juniors, but too bad.

2004-11-23T23:07:00.000-08:00

went to school today for some briefing abt prelims...my goodness, no offense, but wassan was boring me to death...lucky jiaqi bought a copy of -lime- so i wasnt that bored to death or anything like that. we finally got our school mag...my fav part is the picture!!! haha...will post the pix later...man, our class rocks...nan hua seriously has a problem...'clear all outstanding debts or wont give us our stuff'. haha, hong ming owed the library 28 bucks and one cent? haha...too bad. got my testimonial also...i dont believe what it says...will scan it later too.

played this game in class where we threw raffia string at each other to connect each other and say something nice abt that person...vanessa threw it at me and thanked me for entertaining her...lol. i threw it to xueting and thanked her for teaching me chinese. someone heard it and said 'but ur chinese got improve meh?'...OF COURSE LAH...not funny lorh. liang yuan's dedication to mingxuan#thanks for ur 'lame' jokes#, and aaron's dedication to chu long#thanks for being the sports rep# was damn damn funny...why so sacarstic man...LOL

was home alone the whole of last night cos family was still at the chalet...it's damn scary at night, being alone...very sad lah...cannot highlight hair in time for tmr's grad high tea...also have to rush everything on the 25th cos having chalet and have to submit the jC entry thing...

2004-11-23T07:38:00.000-08:00

my testimonial...'always cheers her friends up with her jovial and optimistic character'...mdm sab is hinting that i'm lame...

2004-11-23T07:36:00.000-08:00

my class pix in the school mag...i'm at the first row, 2nd from the right. see...we're so photogenic rite? that's why we appeared twice...lol